#but she was super aware i was lgbt like she asked my pronouns. she even found me an LGBT book while dumpster diving

[canyonroads]

The relief I feel being free from working at Gaslight City is unparalleled, but I miss some of the clients so fucking bad. Specifically there was these two dudes I just loved. One of them was a felon, ex-bank robber, just the nicest dude I've ever met. A lil dumb sometimes but heart of fucking gold. And the other guy is so gd sweet too. His big "crime" that made him homeless was being just too autistic to function in society, which just pissed me off so much. He loved plants and we would infodump about them together. And they were best friends who watched each other's backs viciously.

Anyway working with the homeless is so amazing and you really do meet the best people. There's not a client I don't miss, really, even the ones who drove me nuts.

[glittertrail]

sandra!!!! tell me a fact about your favorite queen!! it can be anything—an observation, something they said on an interview, or even just that they’re your favorite. (the more obscure, the better!!! and you can do as many facts and as many queens as you want, i love hearing about this stuff)

hi gi my darling! 💖 as the resident annoying dres content peddler (although i sworn off translation duties since june) i am ofc going to talk about drag race spain (specifically marina bc i am what? predictable!), under the cut for those who don't feel like reading my chatter

they worked as a creative/director before drag race and they've always been into cinema, the most interesting for me of their filmography as a writer and director are this ad for the catalan cinema academy gaudí awards named 'estimen-nos' in which they also act alongside ariadna gil (you might recognize her from pan's labyrinth if you have seen it, she's one of my favorites) and this music video for maria arnal & marcel bagés named ‘fiera de mí' (it's a really good song too)

they're also part of this movie from 2021 with la prohibida and samantha hudson (which means nothing to people outside of spain i'm aware but they are literally lgbt legends) named cut! directed by marc ferrer; it's a metafiction pseudo giallo queer film and the campiest thing I've watched in a long while, and I do mean camp, nobody eats shit, but john waters would approve.

marina as a persona started when they moved to paris after uni when they were 25ish, they found cross dressing as an every day 'i just feel like wearing this today' gender expression thing before they decided to turn it into an act, the distinction between marina as a performer and just their every day person is almost non existent as consequence which i find fascinating bc those are always my favorite performers

the song they wrote for the dres2 talent show has a story behind that i talked about before here in which they were fined by the police for "public indecency" for protesting wearing femenine underwear in public

they don't really do pronouns which is a bit interesting for linguist purposes (and i'm a language nerd so ofc i love this), spanish lgbt speakers usual go to is to default to she when in confidence (we talk about our other lgbt friends as she usually unless ofc that is a no-no but i can't make an assumption about catalan) and marina is very much a she but they don't really do pronouns if they can avoid it (ofc for theatric purposes saying 'my gender is nb goddess' when asked sounds a lot better lol much more show ready) they are very careful structuring sentences, makes you feel like everything said has a purpose (they also talk like a literature professor lmao)

they've always been very vocal about their nb identity and educating people, there's a decent number of talks and interviews (mostly in catalan which again as a nerd and as someone that lives somewhere between fem/nb in terms of gender identity, makes me very happy, but makes sharing my brainrot a little harder unless other people are ready for me to also go into super detailed info dump mode)

[entity9silvergen]

I’m so fucking excited. I had a real breakthrough with explaining trans stuff to my sister today, specifically with my issue with how cishet society and a good portion of the queer community views genderfluidity and xenogenders, and I really want to share.

My sister is actually a pretty good trans ally. Very respectful of trans people, even those whose identities she doesn’t understand, and acknowledges that she does not feel she is as educated as she can or should be but still puts in the effort to learn and listen to trans people.

One of my relatives recently came out as questioning gender and sexuality things recently and my sister asked me if I’d talked about it with them yet. I have briefly but neither of us know any specifics other than what we both see on their instagram, namely pronouns. But, I did have a brief conversation with them that indicated to me that their gender may be fluid in some way, which is exciting to me since we seem to share other parts of our identities and I understand genderfluidity more than enough to be someone to talk to if they need someone. Not making any assumptions and enacting the “Egg Prime Directive” but hoping that they do figure it out or experiment with fluidity.

So we got to talking about genderfluidity a bit. Whenever I talk about genderfluidity, I usually like to make it clear that I personally do not like using the label genderfluid for myself. I use genderfluid as an umbrella term since I do not like how cishet society and many people within the LGBT community view genderfluidity. Which, my sister was curious about so I got a bit into it.

Most people tend to view genderfluidity as changing between being a man, a woman, and being non-binary day to day and changing one’s appearance and pronouns to the ones that traditionally match that gender. While this may apply to some people, I personally don’t like it because it reinforces the new ��trinary” that is harmful to people on the non-binary spectrum, equates gender with pronouns and presentation, assumes that all genderfluid people’s gender changes day to day in the same way, and creates this idea that genderfluid people’s gender works like an off an on switch.

Genderfluidity is called genderfluidity because the gender is fluid which is somehow a concept that people struggle to understand. I like the word because it indicates that gender is not a static thing. That is the only thing the word implies. Not that we are flipping through a trinary.

I don’t actually know any genderfluid people who exists in the way that is described above, the assumptions that people seem to hold for genderfluidity. The majority of genderfluid people that I know don’t include the “full” masculine/ feminine/ neutral or man/ woman/ non-binary trinary spectrum in their fluidity. Some do but a lot of us exclude some aspect of that. I also don’t know anyone who changes presentation or pronouns in the box-like way people seem to imagine. 

For me personally, it’s an internal thing that does not affect the way I live my life and it’s not a super clear cut thing. I am not hopping between boxes. The lines between genders are blurred and I float between them freely.

But coming back to how people associate genderfluidity with a trinary, here’s where the conversation got interesting. I don’t really like using the word non-binary for myself since people just see it as a third gender, which it can be for some but it isn’t inherently a mix or some kind of neutrality and a a good portion of non-binary people don’t use the word in that way. A lot of people are aware that gender is a spectrum but they just say the words without understanding what it means.

I’ve had discussions about xenogenders and fluidity and I brought it up without really thinking before realizing my sister definitely did not know anything about that so the conversation drifted over to that aspect. The idea that not everyone describes their gender with the “traditional” words like man, woman, non-binary, masculine, feminine, neutral, etc. or labels derived from or referencing that kind of language isn’t too hard to comprehend. But, there is a lot of stigma and lack of understanding around those words so people tend to default to thinking that they’re “weird.”

When I explained what a xenogender is, my sister asked “like tree?” which I realized she was referencing a conversation we had in the past about Keiynan Lonsdale who said in an interview that gender is not a vibe but would like to go by tree, in regards to gender. 

Obviously, I cannot speak for Keiynan Lonsdale and I didn’t want to get too into the specifics of a particular identity so I tried to the best of my ability to explain how trees can be a gender: 

If someone feels their gender is a tree, perhaps they feel their gender is tall, strong, and full of life like a tree. Perhaps the way that the color and texture of the bark contrasts with that of its leaves resonates with them. Or their gender feels like the network of tree roots beneath a forest or the emotional significance a tree’s presence may have on someone’s life. Maybe their gender is old and wise and loves to watch the world around it.

Now, I’ve never heard anyone describe their gender this way but this makes sense to me and it quickly became clear that something was clicking in my sister’s mind so I went on.

I’ve heard xenogenders described as a poem about gender. But, anyone can write a poem about their gender. They may be inclined to use words like man or woman but if they didn’t, they’d have to really look deep into themself. For some people, that thing they find may be more prominent, the most significant, or the only thing present there. Words like man and woman may be completely absent. And if anyone, regardless of their gender, tried to write a poem about their gender without words like man and woman or the things typically associated with masculinity and femininity, the poem they wrote would be different from someone else’s. And I think that’s really beautiful. 

Anyway, my sister took a moment and just sort of went oh. THAT is what it means when gender is called a spectrum which was very exciting for me since a lot of people, even trans people, fail to truly see gender as a spectrum.

[officiallyashley]

—about me!

Heya! Welcome to my blog! My name is Ashley, but I mostly go by Ash or Ashkele (that’s ash-kee-lee btw). I write fanfics for a multitude of fandoms, and I have been writing stories for 10 years now (can’t believe it’s been that long holy shit). I reblog stuff, as well! You’re welcome to send in asks about my ocs or other stuff, if you want. I’m down to chat. Keep in mind that I’m in school, so uploads may not be super consistent. Also, this is a chill, judgment-free zone where we can all vibe and hang out, so let’s not have any negativity here, kk? With that being said, I hope you enjoy my content on my blog!

Random Facts About Ash;

My first fandoms were vocaloid, creepypasta, and sonic the hedgehog! I’m still in those fandoms to this day!

I am a part of the lgbt+ community and I’m proud of it! I go by multiple terms, so I’ll just condense it a bit: I identify with greyromantic, panromantic, demiflux, and polyamorous to name a few. I mainly use she/her or they/them pronouns, but tbh, as long as I’m being addressed with feminine leaning or gender-neutral pronouns idc.

With my writing, I aim to add in topics that need more awareness around them. I like to write about topics that challenge some of the social norms of today and even from the past.

Outside of writing, my hobbies are singing, writing songs, making book covers/aesthetics/banners for my fanfics, true crime, watching anime, reading, and hanging out with my friends.

My aesthetics that represents my fashion would be grunge, goth, skater girl, and emo.

My favorite artists I would say are Linkin Park, Avril Lavigne, Black Veil Brides, Evanescence, Icon For Hire, The Pretty Reckless to name a few. I'm not gonna lie, I also really like Britney Spears and Aaliyah— I'm a total early 2000s kid!

I'm an INFJ :)

My favorite shows outside of anime are Steven Universe, SonicSATAM, Thundercats OG & 2011, Adventure Time, The Amazing World of Gumball, and Regular Show. I could list more, since I grew up on shows that were on the EARLY DAYS of Cartoon Network (you know, when CN was known as Boomerang. yeah.), but then we'd be here all day, so I'll leave it at that.

I have a Wattpad, Fanfiction.net, Quotev, and an AO3 account. I have multiple Wattpad accounts, and I have been on the app for a very very long time, but the main one I am utilizing currently is called AshuraElaineDragneel. My Quotev account is officiallyashley. Here is my AO3 account, AshleighVioletLouise248, and here is my Fanfiction.net account, polyforluffyzoroandsanji. I have been on all of these websites for a very long time, and I am in the process of transferring my stories onto these platforms, so not everything will be on there (and there will be more content on some sites than others). I have written a shit ton, and I'm adding my works from 2020-present day onto my profiles on these sites, so it's going to be a while until everything is on there because I'm going through years of content (so please be patient knowing that, and, ya know, life gets busy, as well.) If these links don't work, please message me and I'll try and have it fixed as quickly as possible.

I just made a Twitter account as of 03-21-23! It’s called @officiallyash24. You’ll know it’s me bc I have the same profile pic and background pic as I do here on tumblr.

If I need to or if I feel like I need to add something, then I will. I'm not trying to make this simple "about me" post something so complicated and shit like that. I just wanted to put something here that gives everyone some more knowledge of who I am. The Masterlist is currently being constructed. Also, since I reblog a shit ton of stuff, search up the tag #ashwrites if you’re interested in my fanfictions!

also, don’t interact with this blog if you’re homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, and all that other shit. i won’t hesitate to block your ass from my blog if i discover that someone is one of those things. another thing — please credit me if you take inspiration from one of my fanfics (also, i would love to see what you would do with that inspiration). if you’re someone that’s reading fanfics on YouTube and you want to read one of my works, all you have to do is ask me! as always, just credit me and leave a link to my tumblr page. please notify me if you realize that someone has stolen any of my stories. seriously, don’t steal people’s stuff, it’s not that hard to credit the original creator.

[ghostly-headcanons]

i just found your blog and I love it! hcs for how the literature club would react to you coming out?

Thank you for requesting! I hope you dont mind that I did this one! Also sorry it took so long that was partially my fault!

I don't know what sexuality you wanted so i hope you dont mind if I wrote for Bisexual.

How DDLC Characters react to you coming out!

Monika

Monika is super proud of you and dosent take this as a reason to change her opinion on you.

She personally thinks that you were super strong and awesome for feeling comfortable enough to tell the literature club.

You probably told them in poem form which suprised Monika but also inspired her to make poems more defineing herself instead of her self awareness.

Sayori

Super super super proud of you! She will also ask you questions all about what your personal preferences are! And if you change your pronouns she will definitely make sure never to mess it up and if she does she will apologize a thousand times over for it

Same as above you probably told the club through a poem and that probably inspired Sayori to write more poems about stuff that she's interested in or that she identifies as!

Yuri

probably the calmest one of the bunch, she probably knew before you even told her. She never finds a reason to change her opinion of you just because you like both genders.

She probably thinks that your super brave as she would probably not feel like the club should know about it like that.

Like Monika probably uses this to talk more about herself through poems!

Natsuki

Our favorite tsundere probably knew from the beginning like Yuri.

She could just tell. I personally hc that she's lesbian so she's super accepting. She will make Cupcakes with your sexuality/(if envy/trans) gender orientation flag. Really wants to impress you by trying her best to impress you with these cupcakes and she totally did.

Totally takes this as an opportunity to talk to you all about what lead you to find out that you were said thing. In turn she sprinkles a bit of how she found out! If you aren't wanting to date her that's fine you guys can be LGBT besties.

If your a guy she's probably a lot nicer to you then she is normally in game.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Hello lovely people! And welcome to my first writting challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge but through conversations on the TCC discord, it’s become a challenge surrounding mental health in general. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity. 

This challenge will run through September 15th, 2020. It will run through part of Mental Health Awareness Month, through Pride Month, and through part of PCOS Awareness Month. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. 

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first. 

2. Use #JBBNNMHAMChallenge to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- I was up in the air on allowing dark!fic in the challenge. Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately. 

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc 

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got 

7. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it. The song prompts are broken down into ‘support’, ‘general’, and ‘grief’ but feel free to use them as you see fit. I categorized them mostly for organization 

8. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut! 

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“You never have to ask, you know that right? Say the word, and I’ll do it.” ( @whistlingwillows​ )

“Would you believe me if I said it’s because I love you? I’d give you the world if you asked.” ( @jbbuckybarnes )

“I promise you. One day, it will get easier. Those feelings might never fully go away, but it will get easier.” ( @imnotasuperhero​ )

“You ever feel like you can’t breathe? Like the whole world is collapsing in on itself and no one notices? No one cares? Like you can’t escape it?” ( @nekoannie-chan )

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it. What part of that is hard for you to understand?” ( @sweetwritesx​ )

“I wish I could believe you when you said that.” ( @evansweaters ) 

“How do you even begin to move on?” ( @blackwidowballet )

“You sure about that, moonman?” 

“I don’t know. All I do know is I don’t belong here” (@buckybarnesplumwhore​)

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.” 

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed 

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

The feeling stuck like super glue, unable to be shaken away with a few whispered words and comforting hugs. ( @buckybarney ) 

You never knew something could hurt like this, that emotional pain could resonate so strongly through every atom of your body. (@buckybarnesplumwhore​)

That smile. He/she missed that smile. ( @bethycupcake )

It was progress. Baby steps forward. Maybe it wouldn’t all be okay today, but someday? It would be. ( @trillian-anders ) 

The list of medications that had been tried seemed like it was a mile long. ( @buckyreaderrecs)  

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream. 

The warmth of the sun fell over you like a blanket in the middle of winter. ( @avintagekiss24 ) 

Today was going to be good. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south. 

AU and Trope Prompts: 

Soulmate 

College

Childhood Friends

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers 

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete 

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian 

Neighbors ( @shakespeareanqueer​ )

Song Prompts:

Support: 

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you” 

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.” 

3. Barefoot and Bruise - Jamestown Story Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised” 

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.” 

5. This Song Saved My Life - Simple Plan Lyric Snippet: “You let me know like no one else that it’s okay to be myself” ( @captain-kelli​ ) 

General: 1. It Feels Like - 1551 Lyric Snippet: “No I’m not fine, every second is a record of why, I live my life never doing things right” 

2. Sunrise - 1551 Lyric Snippet: “Nightmare that’s not gonna stop, it’s darkness you’re not gonna stop” 

3. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

4. Broken Arrows - Daughtry  Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

5. Used - Serious Matters  Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

6. Unsteady - X Ambassadors  Lyric Snippet: “Hold on to me, ‘cause I’m a little unsteady, a little unsteady” ( @jamesbarnesappreciationclub​ )

7. Let It Land - Tonight Alive Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line” 

8. Cold As You - Taylor Swift Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you” 

9. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.” 

10. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.” 

Grief: 

1. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes 

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking” 

2. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes” 

3. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.” 

4. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place” 

5. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.” 

6. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.” 

7. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.” 

[lettersandinkstains]

hi, sorry if this is annoying but i think i might be transgender (mtf) and i’m freaking out because i don’t know anything about how to transition or the identity and i was wonder if you have any advice or anything??? thanks a million

Anon, hello! You’re not being annoying at all! I’m sorry this is so late!! 

First things first, thank you for trusting me with this. And good for you for reaching out for answers! I’m not MtF, so my experiences are gonna be a little different but I’ll give you a run down of what I did, and list options for you and sorta just explain the identity. At the end, I’ll link the resources I can! Hopefully you’ll find this useful!

(Please be warned that this is going to be long ! Everything is itemized and broken down for hopefully an easy understanding and help!)

My Experience / What I Did

When I realized I was Definitely Not Cis, I was fairly into adulthood. She/Her pronouns made me want to die, but he/him felt like a puzzle piece that could fit, but not quite. 

I started talking to a therapist about it, and still continue to this day with talking to my new therapist about it. Over the course of the early sessions, I ended up being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, where there’s distress / discomfort between my assigned gender and my gender identity.

From there, on my old blog, I made a post asking for people to use ‘Silas’ and ‘they/them’ for my pronouns. And it just fit perfectly. I elated that I was being referred to correctly -- the pronouns and the name didn’t make me cringe and want to die.

That’s what I did.

What Is Transgender?

Transgender is the term for someone who does not identity as the gender they were assigned with at birth. They can be a trans man, a trans woman, non binary, genderfluid, etc.

The Steps To Take

Talk to a professional who is trained with and is supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. While it’s not required per se, I very much recommend it. Talking to a professional is incredibly useful for many reasons:

You can get your thoughts and feelings out to a non biased party.

They can help navigate and help you figure out the steps to take.

It’s good to talk to someone! This person can become part of your support network!

Find a supportive community! There’s a thriving trans community on Tumblr, and elsewhere on the internet!

These people are the ones you can go to and talk and ask questions about being trans and transitioning. People’s experiences vary and everyone has different insight!

They will also be a support network for when you need it!

And it doesn’t always need to be online, you can search up local groups where you live, there should be something nearby. If not, that’s okay! Internet friends are real friends too!

I really love r/transpositive and r/asktransgender! Everyone on those two subreddits are so nice and incredible. r/lgbt is also really cool!

I don’t know any community blogs here on Tumblr since I follow only writeblr’s but someone is likely to know something.

I’ve also got an LGBT+ based writeblr discord if you wish to join a welcoming & incredible community! There are also non writing LGBTQIA+ discords! I’m in one for gaming, and r/lgbt’s mod’s run a discord as well called Spectrum. Highly recommend.

Play around with names & pronouns -- and you can also play around with styles too! You’re discovering yourself and your identity. Do what you feel is comfortable.

You can ask a close group of friends you know would be supportive of you to refer to you with she/her pronouns (or whatever pronouns you prefer!), and a name you would like to be called by!

It’s okay if you pick a name now and want to change it later! Names are an important part of your identity and you need to feel comfortable with it!

Dress in clothes that’s considered to be for women. You don’t have to do super femme if you don’t want to! Like, there is no wrong way to dress and present yourself! There’s butch, there’s femme, there’s an in between, etc.

After all, we don’t force cis women to dress super femme and model like (and doubt their gender identity and presentation), so we shouldn’t expect trans women to adhere to those standards either.

However there is nothing wrong with wanting to do! If that sundress makes you feel like a model, and make up makes you feel wonderful, go for it!! And if dressing in jeans, boots, and a t-shirt makes you feel happy, do that!! Dress in a style that makes you feel happy about yourself!

If anyone complains, punch them. Or Snip Snip.

HRT / Transitioning - Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is the act of taking hormones to develop secondary sex characteristics -- trans men take testosterone (T) and trans women take estrogen. Doctors will also sometimes prescribe another hormone to go with it.

If you decide to transition, estrogen will cause a development of breasts, softer skin, fat distribution will be more feminine, and you’ll also develop curves. Essentially, you’ll be going through the typical female puberty.

You don’t have to take hormones if you do not want to or are not ready yet! This is not a be all, end all situation! Take your time and do research on it and the effects it will have!

If anyone tells you that you have to take HRT to be a ~real trans person~, punch them. They have no right telling you what you should do with your body.

This also leads me back to point one: the professional will be able to help you figure this out and help be a support during the process.

Starting Transition

Depending on where you are and your age is what will be available to you.

Some countries do not allow those under the age of eighteen to transition. Some do with explicit parental consent. Be sure to research this as well.

I don’t know if this has changed since I was a youngin, but you would have typically needed a diagnosis if gender dysphoria* in order to get the doctor’s okay and prescription to start HRT. There are exceptions to everything.

This also may depend on local laws too, so check those out!

Depending on what you’re prescribed, you may take birth control, you may have to take shots, etc.

Where you get your hormones also largely depends on where you are too. Here in the United States, universities offer them at their on site clinics (mine does, anyways!), and some Planned Parenthood’s also prescribe hormones too! I can’t speak for other countries, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for you.

HRT is also hella expensive in some places.

If you live in a country with universal health care, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem!

Coming Out -- Don’t come out unless you are ready & you are in a safe environment to do so!

This is basically LGBTQIA+ 101. If you are not safe to do so, do not do it. I know it sucks, but your safety is absolutely number one!

Everything is going to be okay. You are okay, there is nothing wrong with you.

There are certain groups of people who will tell you that your identity may be ~wrong~ or whatever arguments they can think of. Do your best to ignore them, and when you need to, vent to the people you trust.

Things To Check Out

YouTubers:uppercaseCHASE is a trans man who talks about trans issues and his own transition. He has an HRT 101 series that might be helpful! His expertise is FTM (Trans men) so there will be things that might not be as helpful. Educational videos, however!

arielle scarcella - while i do not like her very much and disagree with a lot of her beliefs, she’s a cis lesbian who has done videos in the past that’s educational about trans people -- and frequently has trans women on her channel where they talk about their experiences with HRT, as well as Gender Affirming Surgery if they’ve had it. (same goes for trans men!)

andrea chrysanthe is a trans woman who has documented her experience with transitioning and does life updates. She recently released a two part video that talks a lot about it. (warning: I haven’t watched all of her videos, and some look to be NSFW for at least talk of kink so be careful going in!)

melanie-ish is another trans woman youtuber! she talks about political issues as well as her own experience with transitioning and coming out. (warning: she hasn’t updated her channel in two years!)

PRINCESSJOULES is another trans woman who also documents her life as a trans woman! She also does make up tutorials, vlogging, and a lot of other things!

jammidodger is a trans man who talks about his experience with transitioning. he is by far one of my most favorite youtubers!

(if anyone else has any youtuber recommends, feel free to add on!)

trans resources -

leolines on etsy. they sell underwear for trans women -- a safer alternative to tucking. they also have binders! fairly inexpensive, and so many styles and designs!

the trevor project’s international center - the trevor project in general is absolutely amazing! they have a lot of resources on their website from phone numbers you can call if you’re feeling suicidal to groups and support groups! this link, if you are out of the united states and are looking for something, will give you a listing of international resources! 

transgender law center - legal services and advocacy for trans folks!

trans women of color collective - an advocacy group for trans women of color! they do a lot to help trans women of color! check them out, they’re super cool!

trans youth equality federation  - they provide support for family membes of trans youth, trans youth, and allies. as well as education!

gender spectrum - provides support for all trans youth, as well as education for families and educators!

I AM: trans people speak - a project that was made to raise awareness of about the diversity that exists within the transgender community.

glaad - resources - glaad is a well known organization for advocacy and education!

WHEW ANON that was a lot. Hopefully you made it through to the end, and hopefully it was helpful! I hope those links above help provide some use for you and figuring out what steps you want to take.

On that note, if anybody who has read this wants to add on, they are free to do so. The above is only advice, from one person whose experience is one of millions and still, different.

AND ANON, one more thing! If you wish to talk, you are so much welcome to DM me! They’re open for non mutuals :)!

Good luck on your journey, may it provide you happiness!

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[freckliedan]

(for context, i made a post asking if this anon would b comfy telling me if she was a part of the lgbt community because i would be able to answer more quickly & with more nuance if i knew! my response would’ve been very different for the first ask if it had come from a cis/het person)

hi b!!!!!!!! ty so much for sending me this ask! this is a conversation i’ve had with friends a number of times & i think it’s really good to talk about so i’m really glad to have the chance to talk about it on my blog!

(under the cut because this got long)

i really feel you on this entire situation, tbh- i really hate to assume people’s sexualities, especially people who i don't actually know, bc doing that enforces gender roles & stereotypes so much of the time. especially when it's straight people doing the assuming? like, straight people talking about having good "gaydar" for me feels like them talking about being good at stereotyping people based on mannerisms etc and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable!

i'm 100% of the opinion that unless someone has the agency in telling people they're lgbt (like, they get to come out on their own terms, or they're so comfortably out that you'd maybe hear them referred to with pronouns besides he/she or hear about a same-gender partner when hearing about them in conversation)? nobody should be making a definitive assumption or trying to find proof or support of any perspective on their sexuality. people should get to be as closeted or as out as they're comfortable being, bc more than anything all lgbt people deserve to feel safe.

that said? i feel like lgbt ppl have actual "gaydar" but that it's not the same thing straight people say "gaydar" is. i think that for lgbt people, it has as much to do with being able to identify homophobic or transphobic straight or cis people (bc there are transphobic lgb folx, why do people. DO that) and being able to identify what straight/cis people are safe to be around as it does being able to find other lgbt people. it's more of a survival mechanism than a way of identifying people who are different, the way it functions for straight people.

so like? idk. over the past few years my concept of whether it's okay to speculate about a celebrity's sexuality has shifted a little? when i was in high school & recently out of it, i was more firmly against the idea that someone could tell if xyz celebrity wasn't straight, and super firmly believed that the only way you could know was if they said as much in words.

so what changed?

i experienced the world more, and i've learned so much about the lgbt community and about myself.

one of the big turning points for me was kristen stewart; i was never a super huge fan of hers, but i saw posts fairly often speculating that she and alicia cargile were together. not posts by like, news outlets or anything, posts by other wlw who were saying 'i see the way that kstew is dressing and acting and what she & alicia cargile are sharing of their relationship with the public and news articles keep calling them live-in gal-pals etc but that's exactly how i dress and behave and how my relationship with my girlfriend looks and how people treat our relationship when they're refusing to acknowledge the fact that we're lgbt."

also at the time i started seeing a lot of posts that were saying that the speculation was shitty, and for a hot minute i felt awful for seeing and reblogging posts & hoping/believing that they were girlfriends. the next wave of discourse tho was about how it was okay to speculate and hope if you were just an individual who was also lgbt, and how it was only shitty when it was invasive paparazzi and tabloids who had a platform that could actually disrupt her life and put pressure on her to come out. it was about power; one lesbian or bi or pan girl who was hoping a celebrity they looked up to was like them vs a business that doesn't have any investment in this besides to gain money/readership off of a celebrity's potential identity that had every right to keep their silence and privacy? it's two entirely different things.

i also went back to college in 2016, and realized that like. yeah it's shitty when straight people stereotype and assume things about people, but a lot of lgbt people don't want to be perceived as straight and intentionally dress and behave in ways that signal the fact that the're lgbt. i'm not a scholar on any of this; this is all from my lived experience. but i think it might be called flagging? i've seen the word a few times & just googled it & it seems right, even though i haven't read any of the articles for sure.

essentially it's a way of signaling to other lgbt people "hey i'm here and i'm also lgbt" without really having to disclose that info to all the straight people around you as well. and like, heteronormativity is a hell of a drug, you know? a lot of straight people are almost unwilling to pick up on the signals that someone's lgbt.

an example i can think of is like, lgbt people using non-gendered terms to refer to their significant other or any exes around straight people; it's not lying, and it leaves the opportunity for any other lgbt people present to maybe connect with the person who's doing the pronouns dance at a later point in time in a one on one setting.

another example would be like, butch and gender nonconforming wlw making their identity clear in the way they dress and behave? the song ring of keys from the musical fun home is about a young girl seeing a butch lesbian for the first time and going !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even without having the words. it's lgbt people broadcasting their identity for other lgbt people, not for straight people. it doesn't get seen or talked about as much because of that, but that doesn't make it any less real.

so how does this relate back to dnp?

i'm firmly of the opinion that the're like, doing this. they're living their lives without the complete self-censorship they used to have and because of that openness a lot of lgbt ppl see them, we see the ways in which dan and phil are quietly sharing the fact that they're not straight with us, and i think it's okay to accept that for what it is.

like? i genuinely am willing to argue that dan came out in his diss track. you look at that, and you look at him talk about labels in a liveshow (this video genuinely helped me a lot while i was going through the process of finding the right labels for myself) and you look at all of trying to live my truth or the fact that in dan's rebranding video part of the old branding that was going up in flames was gender rolls (i still have a screenshot of that on my phone). it's also in the countless ways he alludes to being attracted to men, and the ways he rejects a lot of the tenants of masculinity that society prescribes in the ways he dresses and presents himself to the world; that's not an inherently lgbt thing to do, but i think it's true that a majority of lgbt ppl experience gender more consciously than straight people do.​

i'm not going to lie and say i'm aware of as many specific details in regards to phil that indicate his sexuality-i do know less off the top of my head, but not because i don't love phil, just because dan means more to me personally in regards to my queerness and the ways i navigate my identities. phil also tends to share way less of himself with the internet than dan does? like, we know a lot of specifics about who dan is and who dan has been but despite knowing a lot of fluff about phil, we know less substantial information and that's super fucking valid and i love his double aquarius sagittarius rising enigmatic ass exactly as is. and i know i have things in my he likes boys tag about both of them, including (i think) at least one masterpost about phil.

which like, doesn't even bring us to the fact that i'm so sure they're together, too? it's not even like. things like the vd*y v*d, though that was still findable on tumblr when i joined the phandom in 2012.

i'm sure because i can look at dan and phil in the present, and the ways in which they function in eachother's lives, and the things they've said about their future together-the concept of a forever home, of getting a dog together,  the way that when either of them talks about a very old version of themself they talk about having kids & when you combine that with the idea of a forever home you kind of are left with only one implication- i look at all of those things and the ways they compare to my life, as a queer person in a long term committed relationship. and i know. i’m sure about them.

and i could go on. the thing that really gets me is how dan and phil, by all intents and purposes, hit all three sides of sternberg's triangle in his triangular theory of love; they've got the commitment of a shared life and they've talked about their shared future, they've got the intimacy of knowing and supporting each other for nine years and the close knowledge they have of each other is so great in volume that it's been the focus of what, two videos (the friendship test ones) and (spoilers, minorly) a section of ii? and in the way they look at each other, and in a lot of implications we've picked up on over the years, the passion is there, too.

they've fuckin got that good good consummate love, babeY.

they also constantly answer all of each other's bids, as per gottman's research/theories on successful relationships. i'm not gonna get too far into that, but it's what my like a sunflower tag is for.

and gosh, i've gotten rather off topic again. my apologies, b.

i guess the point is that like. as a queer person in a long term relationship, it's really easy for me to look at dan and phil and be sure that they're together. and i don't feel bad, anymore, thinking about that and speculating about it; i think it's ok for lgbt individuals to hope that the people they look up to are like them, and to talk about that hope.

and it would be nice, if dan and phil came out someday. stressful because of the fan reaction, i'm expecting a full meltdown if/when it happens (i'm leaning towards when, i think they want to get married someday).

but for me, i'm already sure. they've already given us so much and they don't owe us anything, we aren't entitled to them disclosing their identities, but i think they've already told us in subtle ways, a hundred times over. so my conscience is clear and my heart is sure, b. i hope yours can be too.

[mae-vents]

First Post (Last Edit: April 18, 2022)

Name: Mae Borowski

System Name + Tag: The Chaos Collective | 🌈

Age: Body is an adult (24 years old on April 23) I am 21 years old

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual? And I'm poly!

Role: I think I'm a Protector? I front when the host is too unstable to handle being social.

Source: Night In The Woods

Hobbies: Writing, Drawing, Singing, Dancing (when nobody's looking), and Hanging out with friends.

Triggers: The nickname "Killer", mention of cults, mention of death, mention of being thrown (like in a hole or well or something).

Favorite Color: Purple (or Black)

Favorite Food: Pizza!

Favorite Song: Is it wrong that I like Die Anywhere Else (from Night In The Woods)? Maybe I'm biased.

Hi, my name is Mae Borowski. If you're reading this, then you probably found my way to my Vent Blog (AKA my Digital Journal). This blog will probably be full of venting posts, but I will also probably post some fun/funny stuff! Might even reblog some stuff too!

So nobody is caught off guard, I do still have my disabilities. I am learning every day to cope with it, so please do not worry. There will likely be posts about that as well.

Art is NOT mine unless I say it is! I'll try to credit the artists, but if I don't know whose it is I will say so.

If I do post art of my own, I will do so under the following tag

#my art

I ask that nobody reblog my art without explicit permission. I'm extremely self conscious of my art, so the fact that I am willing to share it here is already me stepping far out of my comfort zone. Please respect that.

I am a member of The Chaos Collective. An Endogenic System of... I refuse to count how many of us there are, sorry.

I use She/Her pronouns (They/Them will be tolerated) and I am 21 years old. The body is 24 years old. I'm not super comfortable talking to minors, sorry. You can still follow, but please be aware that this blog will likely have content not intended for a younger audience. I will not babyproof my blog, so you read at your own risk.

That said, if anyone would like me to tag something you can just let me know and I will do my best.

If you send a message or an ask, please be patient with me. We don't usually get notified of things. Plus, if I am not fronting you will not hear from me (unless perhaps whoever is fronting feels comfortable letting you know that I am not currently available).

If you send negativity or hate, you will be blocked. I do currently plan to have anonymous asks allowed, but if I get any hate I will turn it off and you will have to reveal your blog to send anything. Please be considerate and don't ruin this for anyone else. If you don't like me, you don't have to stay or interact. Nobody is forcing you.

I'm beyond sugar coating, if you do/say something that pisses me off, I will not hesitate to say something about it. If you don't like it, you can leave.

Another thing worth noting: If you are Anti-LGBT+, Anti-Endogenic, Homophobic, Transphobic, or fit any of the usual DNI Criteria...

Do! Not! Interact!

I'm not here to argue about any of my views. I just don't have the time or energy for it. Take your negativity and eff off, simple as that!

I think that's all I have to say right now... I'll edit if I think of anything else!

If you're still here (and not fuming), feel free to have a look around or shoot me an Ask/DM! I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can! See ya!

Also- if anyone from my source wants to chat, I'm down! Just be aware that I am not the host, and therefore may be sporadic in my activity. Thanks in advance!

[spiralatlas]

PAX Australia 2017 Day 3

There are no notes for Day 2 because I spent it socialising a little and sleeping a lot.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

David Gaider Q&A

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

Misc: I spent a chunk of the day in the diversity lounge which was fun. I met some great people at the Gender Diverse card game, and got to the semi finals of the Xena Nintendo 64 Fighting Game Tournament (there were only three rounds, but given how much I suck at fighting games this was still a happy surprise, and a sign of what a random button masher the game is)

The gender neutral toilets near the diversity lounge were very well done, unlike GCAP the original signs weren't visible and "with stalls/urinals" was in small letters like an afterthought.

I didn't break anything on Day 3 but did break a mug the next morning. Also the cinema in the Crown Casino is surprisingly inaccessible.

Despite the various mishaps I had a great time and will definitely come again next time we can afford it.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

I missed the second half of this to see David Gaider, feeling very annoyed at the programmer.

Anny Sims @ChattyAnny on twitter (I was too slow to get the others!) Keely Thirkell Hayley Williams Soap Pejovic

Most queer characters are just queer coded, with plausible deniability. "It's up to you".Tendency for queer characters to be villains. Indie games tend to be more queer friendly than AAA games.

Lesbians: First known queer character in games: 1986 Moonmist had side-character who was a lesbian murderer.

Other notable lesbian characters:

KOTOR 2003, Juhani, first queer Star Wars character

Gone Home 2013

Dragon Age Inquisition Sera (I thought Sam Traynor from Mass Effect 3 came first?)

Tracer from Overwatch 2016

Trans characters:

1988 Birdo from Super Mario Brothers 2 "A male who believes he is female"

Lots of others but all terrible. Jokes and villains. Trans women seen as threat. Poison from Final Fight 1989, "so you can hit a woman".

Krem DAI 2014 trans man, You can't go "Ok, cool".

Hainly Adams MEA 2017 trans woman. Tells you her deadname, this was patched.

Horizon: Zero Dawn 2017 trans man

Dream Daddy 2017 trans man. One throw away line about wearing a binder, had to be clarified by writers. Non binary people and cosplayers wear binders too!

How do you make it clear they're trans without them implausibly outing themselves or just having it be word of god?

Gay men:

1993 fmv Dracula Unleashed has speaking role

Tended to be background characters, jokes and villains again. No m/m relationships shown onscreen.

Dreamfall: the Longest Journey 2006 (not made super clear until 2015)

Steve Cortez Mass Effect 3 2012

Dorian DAI 2014

Dorian knew exactly what his sexuality was. Coming of age narratives get boring.

Bi Characters (no picture because they're invisible):

1993 Ultima 7 part 2 bi character propositions character regardless of gender.

"Slutty bisexuals". A lot of characters are playersexual and it never comes up outside the relationship.

Zevran DAO 2009

Borderlands 2009

Fable 2004 let player be bi, Fable 2 2008 added bi PCs

Playersexual:

Only queer in the context that they will date players of both genders, but you don't see that unless you play as both.

Dragon Age 2 2011, Anders only mentions his ex-boyfriend if you play as a male PC

Fallout 4 2015. Did have background queer characters.

Stardew Valley 2016

Non Binary:

1995 Chrono Trigger villain

Often robots, aliens or other non human

Frisk Undertale 2015

Life is Strange 2015

Zer0 Borderlands 2 2012

Turing Read Only Memories

Some games let you have gender neutral pronouns.

David Gaider Q&A

1999 Working on Balder's Gate 2, didn't talk about his sexuality at work. Figured he would always be writing stories for straight people.

He was shocked to hear Jade Empire was having same sex romance. Got to be lead writer on DAO after that. "So I can put same sex romances in, right?". More economical to have bi romances, but he would have been happier having some gay characters.

Feeling iffy about playersexuality after DA2, he asked for 2 straight, 2 bi, 2 gay for DAI. "Minority content" is weighed via the percentage of those who play it and those who appreciate it. Eg 5% play dwarves but most see it as a positive thing to be able to do.

Most of his time was spent on the actual plot but Dorian was the most personal writing.

He was targeted by Gamergate but it doesn't compare to, for example, how much Jennifer Helper was targeted.

10 years on Dragon Age was enough, his head would explode if he had to write another story about templars and mages.

How did you get the job: His story is very specific. He was managing a hotel and a comic book artist in his spare time. A friend was a character artist at Bioware but Gaider wasn't really aware of the specifics. Bioware told their employees "If you know anyone who does game related writing let us know", the friend gave them Gaider's LARP rule book without asking. Got a call, gave the stories he wrote in highschool, got offered a job. He said no, it didn't pay enough, but then he got fired from the hotel. It felt like a sign.  

Who do you think will take the romance torch from Bioware: he’s not sure they're giving it up? EA treats romance fans as a reliable audience who don't need to be advertised to, even though it's why a lot of people play in his experience (though obviously those are the kinds of fans he will tend to meet). There is an underserved audience.

Most proud of: Lots of stuff he's not proud of. Wishes he'd been more involved in community discussions early on. Proud that the team tackled issues as they started arising. Proud of the company for standing by them. Most proud of Dragon Age 2 despite the mixed response. They had very little time to create it. It’s like a very big first draft. They had a plan but didn't get to compare notes once things were written, so he had to trust the team would stick to plan as much as they could despite things being cut on the fly. Team said they were happy in a post-game survey, didn't feel he was too dictatorial.

What does your writing look like, a screenplay? A cutscene does. But it’s generally structured like a tree that expands and then contracts back to the core path before expanding again. Flow charts.

Favourite relationship in a game? Morden in Mass Effect. Cried more than in a movie. Tali was his space girlfriend. Of the ones he's worked on, Morrigan will always be closest. She represents Dragon Age to him. Joyous time working with Claudia Black, first celebrity he'd worked with. Flemeth was originally Arabic, but that actress couldn't do it so they got Kate Mulgrew. They stopped looking for an Arabic actress for Morrigan and looked for someone who matched Kate Mulgrew. Claudia Black's audition tape was her reading Smack That like a beat poet. Gaider was very nervous, he'd never spoken to any actor before. First rule he was told was don't compare them to another celebrity, so naturally he said "I had Helena Bonham Carter in mind when I wrote Morrigan". Claudia Black said "So you're saying I'm a cheap Helena Bonham Carter ;D". She would say "Does he want me to do it more like Helena?" during recording.

Has being so closely associated with diversity had downsides? He may be gay but he's still white and a dude. He feels like it's all he talks about conventions sometimes. Teams need to sit down and look at what they've made. Lot of things made individually without concern for the bigger picture eg only 15% speaking roles in DAI were female until they stopped and looked at it and fixed it.  

"We didn't think about it" is no longer a defense. He wants to help with that, but we should be helping other marginalised voices get into the industry and amplifying their voices.

Wishes it could just be expected and we didn't have to discuss it.

He likes dating sim mechanics in the context of a larger story. But he does like the idea of romance not being as tertiary as it's been in Bioware games, romance as part of the adventure eg a romantic adventure. He's not really interested in social sims or day to day relationships. "My idea of a spicy relationship is to have my life threatened."

Why do you think most AAA companies try to avoid discussions of lgbt stuff, why is it taking so long? Because it's Pandora's Box. There is more being added casually. But if they do nothing they get lumped in with the rest of the industry. As soon as they do anything there are 2 sides: 1. why are you doing this, you're politicising your game. 2. Why aren't you doing more, whatever you did is wrong and not good enough.

Not that flawed attempts should be above criticism. But by mostly focusing criticism on the games that did anything rather than nothing, people have increased the feeling that it's Pandoras box. He understands that it feels like those developers might listen to criticism but the dynamic is sending the wrong lesson.

My question: How do you think inclusion of non binary player characters can work with including gay and lesbian love interests instead of just having playsexuality? “We've thought about it”. He defined playersexual for audience, like Shroedinger's sexuality. He doesn't like it when the only way to have something show up is to have the character talk about it. eg asexual: character would have to sit you down and explain what asexuality is. Is unsexy as a feature. Explaining nuances of sexuality is off putting. If there was more nuance across the industry that would mean no one game has to do everything. Any one game can have only so much within it.

(This doesn't actually answer my question. I discussed it with my husband afterwards and even he didn't understand what I was asking, so I may have garbled it in my nervousness)

Are some choices "canon"? One of the features of Mass Effect and Dragon Age was the continuity of choices. No "canon" but there is a default. A lot of people feel like they have to play the whole series to get the full experience, was off putting, and he found the Keep a nightmare as a writer.

They had editors keeping track of which choices were incompatible. And that was just the third game. "Can you imagine for a fourth game? Phew! Not my problem :D"

Have you thought about the morals of gamifying romance, saying what people want to hear to get sex? Dragon Age didn't work that way, sex was not at the end. Some characters in DAI had no sex scenes, sex is optional for Dorian's romance. It's a game, everything is gamified, you can't simulate actual relationships. For proper reactivity you’d have to mark every response and keep track of inconsistency, but that’s too much work. Same with polyamory: too many variables!

Maybe get away from the approval system? Pay more attention to overall choices in major quests etc instead of individual lines.

Bi characters in DAI were bi from the start. Not the first thing that comes up during character creation eg Dorian started out as "the good Tevinter". Helps avoid too many assumptions based on sexuality. But once characters started solidifying they would think about who worked for what sexualities. There's no set way to write someone "as" bi, but the writer can have them talk about relevant things in other scenes. Sera's writer is a straight dude, he didn't want to write About The Lesbian Experience, and got lesbians in the company to check out what he was writing.

Have relationships gotten more or less complicated? In Balder's gate 2 there was a single sequence of romance scenes which you could get kicked off. Dragon Age had approval. If it gets complicated but the player can't see it or understand how reactions relate to their previous actions it just seems random or predetermined. Unless they say "I am angry at you because of X", but noone says that.

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

lostandhound1 on twitter

His notes.

He's not blind himself, and while he obviously cares a lot about accessibility had an unfortunate tendency to treat disabled people as a separate, if respected, "Other" to himself and the audience, even though I was right there in a bright red mobility scooter. He advocated person first language, "a person with blindness" etc, but not all disabled people like it and it shouldn't be presented as unambiguous best practice. I'm building up the energy to talk to him about it.

He's a sound designer.

Audio games: designed for people with a vision disability.

Audio game jam: the games tended to be about blindness as a bad thing. It felt victimising.

How can we make people feel powerful?

He was inspired by his dog's amazing sense of smell. The mechanic is that you follow an invisible trail using sound cues, a humming noise that gets louder and quieter.

Sighted people struggle with extracting information from sound. The game is more difficult for sighted people.

He had to add fruit on the ground as an accessibility measure for sighted people.

All music is diegetic: happening inside the world of the game, eg characters are singing.

There's a lack of much budget for audio games, since they're never going to make much money.

In 30 years current 30-something gamers will need accessible games.

Accessibility tends to be added as an afterthought or accident.

For example Pokemon has unique sounds for materials, collisions, monsters that accidentally make it accessible.

Sony reader: US only

Microsoft narrator: good but hard to use as a developer

EA: Proactively adding blind accessibility

Fighting games are often in stereo, blind players can play and even win tournaments.

Demand more from your games.

Developers: find a consultant. Address accessibility early.

It's about empathy. People with disability deserve the same stories to take part in as everyone else.

gameaccessibilityguidelines.com

daisyalesoundworks

binaural sound is going to make a big difference

audiogames.net: where blind gamers go to play games. They're supportive if you ask for advice and feedback.

People don't mind if you don't do immersive, game specific voices and just rely on the screenreader

Sound designers need more love to make VR accessible.  

Braille games?? He doesn't know much about it.

Curb cut effect examples: curb cuts for wheelchairs but also useful for prams etc. Subtitles. Think about short term problems that benefit from accessibility as well eg the screen is broken, there's sunlight on the screen etc.  

Sounds of a blind person navigating their desktop. To me it sounds like a mangled garble of little bursts of cut off computer speech, here’s a description of what’s going on.

[aximili]

hey anon i figured i wont publish ur submission but just respond to it as best i can!

your situation sounds really difficult so i just wanted to say firstable that you are doing an awesome job facing what you’ll look back on as one of the most difficult periods of your life and balancing so much shit, i really admire you! 

with all your questions i guess take my answers with a pinch of salt because even tho i know your situation somewhat from your submission, i can’t really know how things are and what feels right/safe/sensible

-is it worth it coming out if you don’t pass and probably wont for a long time if ever -

 i mean, this is kinda the broader version of the whole question but i think you already know the answer is yes. ‘cause if dysphoria (i’m not talking about bodily specifically, i think that whole divide is fairly pointless, i mean the social dysphoria that causes us to identify as trans) is affecting you this strongly and consistently even when you have little space to express it, then that won’t go away from suppressing it. like... expressing your actual self is vital and you deserve that. and i know it’s easy to say that in the abstract when coming out to people who’ll continue to misgender you is the worst, and it could make some situations more difficult, so picking a way and time where you have a contingency plan for if stuff goes south is unfortunately key, but yes, it is worth it for the people who will make an effort to address you as you and how amazing that feels (and some of those who do might surprise you). 

am i still valid as a trans guy if i dont go to any lengths to present as masculine as possible -

 i make a lot of jokes about You Are Valid but like dude of course you are. gender presentation is completely made up. and i get what you mean about how trying to dress manly and just being read as butch can cause you pain, i definitely felt that when i was first trying to dress from the mens section and it just seemed to draw such obvious confusion from people, whereas when i wore more androgynous stuff that was in the womens section then nobody was looking at me like i was in the wrong place. it’s difficult. plus what you said abt binding like - binding really can be quite harmful, and obivously in some cases it’s essential to combat dysphoria but yeah, if it’s not making you feel better then just conforming to the idea of what a trans guy looks like doesnt mean you should restrict your chest so heavily. 

is it worth it to come out if it could potentially cause me to lose the only family you care about, should i wait until they’re old enough that their dad can’t force them to hate me -

 this part i really don’t know how to answer for you unfortunately. coming out to my family was really difficult and painful and didn’t go the way that i wanted it to, so i wish i could say “your siblings love you, they’ll completely understand” but i can’t guarantee that and that could end up causing more hurt so like... i don’t know. i don’t know how old your siblings are, but is there a way you could sort of gently introduce the idea to them? like say “people have been calling me this name at work and i really like it” and see how they respond? they could be totally on board and open-minded, and they could not get it at all, and i don’t know, but if their dad is giving them a lot of hateful views about lgbt people then maybe not using words like transgender but just talking about it as a change in yourself and stuff that’s making you happy could be a safer way to introduce the topic. 

how should i come out at all in either setting like do i just drop it into a conversation or do i give hints and wait for them to ask, should i just wait until i hopefully go on hormones and see if anyone notices and then deal with it in like 2 years time probably, should i just quit my job and run away and find a cave to live in instead? -

yep, that last one. but nah seriously if you like your job and there’s a lot of lgb people there i think that’s rly good. i’ve only been out as trans in one job and it was never explicitly talked about bc i was already socially transitioned, i just like... didn’t pass and then went on hormones & suddenly did. but if you have a supervisor/hr person who you trust and seems chill (esp if they’re also lgb) you could talk to them and ask for advice and gauge the vibe from that? i know what you mean that like, lgb people can still be shitty about trans stuff, so that’s no guarantee, but at minimum if they react kinda weird about it and you get a bad vibe, then at least they have to keep it confidential and you can drop it and wait. this isn’t exactly an equivalent but when i had my second top surgery for like corrections, @ my current job one of my supervisors who’s a lesbian was one of only a couple people who knew the specific nature of the surgery and she was super helpful to talk to about it, and said she would take my lead on what to tell people i was off sick with, etc. so it’s possible someone at work could help by like, organising a way to drop it into meeting agendas as a small point for everyone there who knows you or something? like “just to make everyone aware x is now going by y and should be referred to as a man with he/him pronouns. we hope you will all be supportive of this change!” i don’t really know honestly, i think there’s no way to come out to a big group of people that isn’t gonna feel a bit awkward, but i really hope they’d be cool with it cause it would be so good for you to have somewhere that feels safe to be you, even if that place is work 

hope this helps even tho it’s equally as rambling haha, good luck w everything!

[wandererslullabi]

First off, I recommend picking up the ABCs of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell (or as they’re known on Youtube, Ash Hardell). It has the basics and very good explanations of various terms and identities you should be aware of. You can get an online copy for free through their YouTube, I believe, but the physical and kindle copies aren’t super expensive either.

I’m biromantic and gray-Asexual and gray-aromantic, which for me means I experience sexual and romantic attraction rarely, mildly, or only in certain circumstances. But when I do, it can be towards any gender—I’m attracted to boys, girls, non-binary people.

I’m also demigirl/genderqueer and I use they/them and she/her pronouns.

I think the biggest thing is simply being understanding and willing to do research and learn. Be open minded, listen to and trust that the person identifies and feels how they do for a reason. If they come out to you, make sure they know that you believe them even if you don’t understand what their identity means quite yet.

Believe and trust they know their own feelings even if they may change their mind later on. Give them space to be questioning, to have doubts about their gender or orientation. Sometimes they’ll be unsure, sometimes you’ll be unsure, of what they really should identify as. And that’s okay. Don’t shut them down if they identify as one thing and might actually fit another label better and haven’t realized it yet. Allow them to figure themselves out and trust that, over time, they will.

For the aspec (Asexual and aromantic spectrum) part, I think you need to be aware of and believe in ace and aro issues, such as aphobia and amatonormativity. A lot of ace and aro people will struggle silently, feeling disconnected not only from straight society, but the LGBT+ community as well. Be prepared that the ace/aro person may have issues because they’ve been attacked or excluded from the LGBT+ community by aphobes and ace discoursers. Understand what ace discourse is, and listen to ace and aro people when they talk about their struggles.

Also, if they have other intersectionalities, such as being a person of color, be aware of specific needs that come from being aspec and poc, such as in regards to being affected by both ace and poc stereotypes—many woc are over-sexualized and are affected by that a lot when they’re ace because they’re expected to be sexual. Other poc are desexualized, and struggle with feeling like they’re perpetuating poc stereotypes just by being who they are.

For being bi, please also be aware of the struggles bi people may go through because of double discrimination from both the straight society and the LGBT+ community. Many bi people are excluded and unaccepted by their LGBT+ peers and find themselves with nowhere to go to. Also learn the facts and statistics—bi people have higher rates of suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety, rape and sexual harassment, and even poverty than both straight and gay people generally do. Look for the signs of these issues and make sure to find how biphobia and bi discrimination may contribute to them.

For being on the non-binary spectrum, I think being respectful of questioning my gender and of trying out new things like pronouns and presentation is good. If the person asks you to try using different pronouns for them, or to be supportive of them switching up what clothing or hairstyles they wear, be understanding and make it clear to them from the on-set that this is a safe environment for them to play with their gender and gender expression.

For non-binary people specifically, they also face erasure and exclusion from both inside and outside the community. A lot of times nb people are told we aren’t “trans enough” or there’s also an issue where nbphobes think most non-binary people are just special snowflakes who don’t ever have dysphoria and don’t even exist. Be aware of that. Allow them to explore their gender, to talk about any signs or dysphoria they may or may not have, and to talk about their discrimination.

The most important thing for me is to be clear from the very beginning that you are providing a safe space for them. For a lot of LGBT+ people, we have a natural subconscious expectation that we will not be fully accepted. We don’t find many safe spaces, sometimes even within our own community. Be very clear that you are accepting and understanding of ace people, non-binary people, bi people, trans people, etc. because for a lot of us we’re often weary that someone might not understand or be as accepting as they seem.

Let them know they can trust you, that you won’t invalidate their identity, that you will listen to and believe them when they talk about their discrimination and issues. Let them discuss the more serious ones, and the smaller ones. Often these voices are silenced, rejected, or disbelieved. Ace people who have suffered corrective rape for being ace, for instance, are often told by non-ace people that they weren’t raped, or that it wasn’t because they were ace. They’re often gaslighted and disbelieved.

Be aware of and look out for the unique struggles that go along with each identity. If they are intersectional, by being a person of color, neurodivergent, disabled, etc. please also be sure to research and understand that their identities may often intersect and affect each other, and it may double their risks of suicide, depression, or other such things because of the double-discrimination they face.

In the end, just be understanding, listen, and do your research.

Would anyone be willing to teach me about being a part of the LGBTQA community?

I am a psychology major and i want to become a therapist. I want to build a safe space for all of the people who want to come and talk to me, and i don’t know much about the LGBTQA community (primarily those who identify or are trans) and i want to change that so I can better understand my future patients (i hate using that word). So if anyone would like to tell me about what they identify as, their pronouns or anything else you feel I should know in order to help my patients feel more comfortable and understood, please let me know. It is appreciated. I always feel super pushy when I ask people questions, or I feel as though I make them uncomfortable and that is FAR from what I want to do. So I figured I’d just reach out.

[reallygroovyninja]

This took me forever to fill out and my answers are boring

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Below are some questions pertaining to LGBT+ women, conveniently categorized. Have others send you random numbers (there’s 130 of them), or simply answer them yourself. Please reblog!

 SEXUALITY & COMING OUT:

1. How do you define your sexuality? Lesbian

2. What pronouns do you use to identify yourself? Me, Myself and I – I am not into the whole pronoun thing

3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls? 11 or 12

4. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality? 17

5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization? It was a more gradual realization

6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out? Confused af

7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality? Talking to someone who made me realize my feelings were ok to have.

8. At what age did you first come out? 18

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? A friend and she stated ”About damn time”  

10. Do your parents know about your sexuality? My dad had already passed away so I don’t know if he ever suspected. I am betting he did and yes, my mom knows.

11. How out are you? Very. I don’t hide the fact

12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out? I do. I kinda waffled with bi for a year or so.

13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know? I think most people suspected my attraction to females

14. Has coming out lost you any friends? Not that I was aware of. Coming out when I did at 18 and then moving out of state for college I lost contact with people.

15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality? I judge the situation. It does come out eventually but I am not going to advertise it in work situations etc.

16. How difficult do you find it to sympathize with straight women? I have no problem with it

17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? No

18. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. – Anyone could be a little bit gay in the right situation

19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time you find yourself attracted to other girls? n/a

20. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender? Most bisexuals I have met have said I am bisexual but lean towards whatever. I guess it’s possible to be attracted to either sex equally

21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or staring at a cute girl? When I was single I would do it all the time

22. How accurate is your gaydar? I think when they were passing out gaydar I got in the line for male gaydar. I can pick a gay man out of a crowded room but be totally oblivious to women.

 RELATIONSHIPS & DATING:

23. What is your current relationship status? Married

24. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person? 8 years and yes

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl? I was nervous and I remember thinking fuck I am actually kissing a girl.

26. Are you a virgin? If not, what gender did you lose your virginity to? Sorry not a gold star lesbian

27. What is your ideal first date? Something simple like a walk in the park just getting to talk with each other

28. What personality trait are you most attracted to? It’s a toss-up between sense of humor and intelligence

29. How flirty are you? Not very flirty at all.

30. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? I am married

31 Do you want have children someday? Yes

32. Would you ever want to give birth? We decided as a couple if we had children I would try to conceive

33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend? Not as much now as when I was single

34. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? No

35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? Unfortunately, yes

36. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? No

37. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Yes

38. Have you ever dated a guy? Yes

39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you? Not that I am aware of and no

40. Has another girl ever hit on you? Yes

41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? Of course, what lesbian hasn’t

42. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s significantly older than you? Yes, to a college professor

43. Would you ever date a trans woman? Hmm, I guess if I was attracted to them I could give it a shot

44. Have you ever had a profile on a LGBT dating website or app? yes

45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? I don’t think there is a best place because I know people who have met their s/o in all kinds of different places.

46. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? I am not a hopeless romantic but I can be very romantic when I want to be.

 PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to? No and I think I would look weird with super short hair.

48. Is your nose pierced? No

49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings? Not my thing but I’m not going to judge you if you do.

50. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? No

51. How muscular are you? I will go with I am toned but far from muscular

52. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? I was when I was little but grew out of it

53. Have you ever been told that you’re too pretty to be gay? Yes

54. Have you ever been mistaken as a dude? No

 FASHION STYLE:

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? I do but not very often these days. The joys of being a work at home employee

56. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? I can wear high heels but don’t do it very often

57. How much jewelry do you typically wear? I am not a big jewelry person so necklace, watch and normally my wedding band but it needs to be resized. My fingers are thinner now

58. How much makeup do you typically wear? I’m a minimalist unless the occasion calls for more

59. How often do you wear a bra? Every day

60. How often do you wear flannel? Only in the winter and on occasion.

61. Have you ever worn a suit? Not a men’s suit

62. Do you wear any shoes such as combat boots, Doc Martins or Timberlands? I live in the Northeast so everyone owns Tims for the winter

63. Do you carry a purse? Sometimes

64. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? Not very often but I do own a few

65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? I love men’s basketball shorts. So damn comfy and perfect for lounging around in  

66. Have you ever dressed in complete drag? No

67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? Yes

68. If you want to get married, do you think you will wear a dress? I think if we renewed our vows I would

 ENTERTAINMENT:

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? I don’t think I have one

70. Have you ever watched The L Word? Some of the seasons

71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace? I have seen a few episodes

72. Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? I have but I get annoyed with the bickering

73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television? Stop killing off the gays and we would be in better shape

74. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? I don’t go out of my way to listen to them

75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? Yes

76. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed movie? Not really

77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website? I guess After Ellen

78. Do you read any LGBT magazines? No

79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations? I have but nothing I can think of to recommend at the moment

80. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? Considering most lesbian porn is for men to get off on it would seem there isn’t but some does exist.

 THIS OR THAT:

81. Boobs or butts? I do love both but its butts for me

82. Beer or wine? I don’t drink either. I am a hard liquor kind of girl

83. Ellen or Portia? I guess Portia. I am totally not into Ellen at all.

 BEING (SOMEWHAT) RANDOM:

84. How much do you like cats? I own one

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Yes

86. How many LGBT friends do you have? A few

87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? I’m not that close to many of my relatives but I am sure there are a couple in there

88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? Thanks for the suggestion I have never used any of those

89. How outdoorsy are you? I don’t consider myself outdoorsy

90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? I do own an SUV

91. How many rainbow items do you own? I have a couple gay pride shirts

92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No

93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? Never heard of it

94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? Not even in college

95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? No

96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? Yes

97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? In high school I was on the team

98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? Not in a while. I would probably bust my ass skateboarding

99. Do you play any video games? That is my stress reliever at times

 FROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:

100. Muscular women? 4

101. Women who wear glasses? 10 – Glasses are fucking sexy

102. Women who are covered with tattoos? 4

103. Women who are covered with piercings? 1

104. Curvy/plus-sized women? 7 – I don’t mind curves at all

105. Women with short hair? 5

106. Highly intelligent women? 8

107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)? 5

108. Masculine/butch women? 5

 GETTING SERIOUS:

109. What does equality mean to you? Just like the definition - the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.

110. Do you consider yourself a feminist? I do

111. Do you eat meat at all? I love a good steak

112. Are you religious at all? I’m not into organized religion but I have my beliefs

113. Did you vote for Hillary Clinton? Yes

114. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? Doesn’t bother me

115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic? I dislike it

116. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, homo, or tranny? I don’t say them

117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? Unisex bathrooms so we can end this debate

118. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? I have no problem with it at all.

119. Have you ever been called a gay slur? Yes

120. Have you ever been queer bashed? No

121. Have you ever been discriminated against because or your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. No

122. Does it really get better? As I get older I find it does get better.

123. How did you feel on June 26, 2015? My marriage was finally legal

124. How accepting of LGBT people is the city/community you live in? I’ve never encountered an issue

125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? No

126. How annoyed are you with how heteronormative society is? Doesn’t bother me

127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?  gay men are feminine and less of a man because they are gay.

128. Is there anything about the LGBT community that you wish you knew before coming out? How judgmental some people are within the LGBT community  

129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? You don’t have to put a label on your sexuality. Sometimes it just takes time to figure things out.

130. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to come out? Don’t let people pressure you to come out. Do it on your own terms.

[freckliedan]

gravel to temple, what i need, and wanna be missed :)

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first? yes i have! i’ve been out as varying-labels of not straight since 2013 to pretty much everyone, and i think teh first person i told was my best friend at the time? but i had really really supportive parents even before i came out so i knew they’d be chill and was able to just offhandedly mention in conversation that i was bi, and they were like “cool” & that was pretty much it as far as when i first came out?

i’m not out in most spaces as nb, just to friends and on this blog, but i think that my dad has kind of picked up on the fact that i’m like “MMMM gender? stinky” because he knows i have nonbinary friends and that i use the name den a lot and he’s been super affirming abt me being more androgynous lately. the first person i actually said anything about gender to was my best friend keerthi, bc they were talking about it and i was like.. me too shh and after that the first ppl i came out to were my gf & best friend & i kind of just quietly changed my pronouns on social media (except for facebook bc that’s so dead to me that i’m still bi on it & i haven’t id’d as bi for years).

also im like aggressively out as a queer lesbian in all of my classes and i WILL raise my hand to bring up relevant lgbt topics. multiple times. in one day

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?i fucking, love gay music and art, the indigo girls are my mothers who raised me so i feel like i’ve got to list them and as far as i’m aware there’s no lgbt ppl in the band the mountain goats but a lot of their music is something i relate intensely to as a queer person? 

but like re: music i listen to a Lot by queer artists? i fucking love janelle monae, i love mika, i love adult mom bc the singer is nb and it’s like. god its some moods and it’s like a genre of music i really love?, my best friend miles has a queer is holy playlist, i love harry styles w my entire heart, i don’t know very much of laura jane grace (of the band against me)’s music but sometimes i just need to scream-sing about pissing on the walls of shitty people’s houses, this is me & my gf & best friend’s playlist from pride this year, i love ben j pierce and hayley kiyoko and king princess,  this is a playlist by piper @asterlark that i believe is entirely lgbt artists?, piper’s pride playlist, my spotify playlist that’s just called GIRLS  i heard of them, and also my best friend keerthi makes music too and id die for them soo (sorry if this bit got long and off topic)

if i had to pick one (1) favorite gay song it would be hymn by kesha bc Fuck dude thats the mood

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?here’s the thing..the thing is i’ve been dating my gf for over 4 years now and had feelings for her for nearly a year before that and we were best friends before that and i mean we were nemeses  before that but we’ve known eachother since we were both 7?

so like idk it’s like.. we’re like dan and phil. the two of us have been together since we were 18 and so like! we can be on our own we’re our own people and we have parts of our lives that are separate from eachother but we always choose eachother? they’re my partner we’re a team and i’d always rather do something with her than without them and like. yeah. we still don’t live together bc of money so a lot of the time we’re in communication thru phonecalls and texting and snapchat and Everything bc even though we see eachother nearly daily we still miss eachother? so i guess i like a lot of intimacy but this is the only way i’ve ever known, you know? she’s the first person i ever dated and i’m the first person they ever dated & its just like! yeah. idk.  not to be that bitch but the reason i love dnp is bc their relationship feels exactly, exactly the same as me & my gf’s relationship & like! yeah! idk! i run out of words cos i’m so filled w love. idk.

it’s a unique n special kind of love when you get the chance to become an adult, like, grow into a person, alongside your best friend, the person who made you believe in love, maybe even the person who made you believe in soulmates even though you don’t really necessarily believe in souls.. like, i’m talking about me there but im definitely also talking about dan & thats why i love dan and phil so much n thats why i can’t really answer this question good! idk how to describe it to someone who hasn’t experienced it? bc it’s the only thing i know i don’t know how to relate my experiences to other experiences bc of that. idk!!!!!!! i love love. i’m going to stop talking now fsdjklfjsdkl